Wanting to Die By Anne Sexton - Giggle Poems

Original Poem：

Since you ask, most days I cannot remember.
I walk in my clothing, unmarked by that voyage.
Then the almost unnameable lust returns.
Even then I have nothing against life.
I know well the grass blades you mention,
the furniture you have placed under the sun.
But suicides have a special language.
Like carpenters they want to know
which tools.
They never ask
why build.
Twice I have so simply declared myself,
have possessed the enemy, eaten the enemy,
have taken on his craft, his magic.
In this way, heavy and thoughtful,
warmer than oil or water,
I have rested, drooling at the mouth-hole.
I did not think of my body at needle point.
Even the cornea and the leftover urine were gone.
Suicides have already betrayed the body.
Still-born, they don’t always die,
but dazzled, they can’t forget a drug so sweet
that even children would look on and smile.
To thrust all that life under your tongue!—
that, all by itself, becomes a passion.
Death’s a sad bone; bruised, you’d say,
and yet she waits for me, year after year,
to so delicately undo an old wound,
to empty my breath from its bad prison.
Balanced there, suicides sometimes meet,
raging at the fruit a pumped-up moon,
leaving the bread they mistook for a kiss,
leaving the page of the book carelessly open,
something unsaid, the phone off the hook
and the love whatever it was, an infection.

Analysis and Interpretation of the Poem

This poem explores the complex and often painful experience of suicidal thoughts and emotions. The speaker reflects on moments of forgetfulness and numbness ("most days I cannot remember"), suggesting a dissociation from life and self. Despite this, there is an underlying tension between a desire for life and the lure of death, described as an "almost unnameable lust." The poem portrays suicide not simply as an act, but as a language and craft, something those who contemplate it understand deeply, much like carpenters understand their tools.

The poem uses vivid and sometimes unsettling imagery to convey the physical and emotional toll of suicidal ideation. For example, the line "Even the cornea and the leftover urine were gone" symbolizes a total abandonment or betrayal of the body. The speaker also touches on the paradox of suicide: the "drug so sweet" that dazzles even children, indicating the seductive nature of escape through death.

The closing lines evoke a haunting scene of unfinished business and lingering pain—"leaving the page of the book carelessly open," "something unsaid," and "the phone off the hook" symbolize broken connections and unresolved emotions. The metaphor of love as an "infection" suggests the complex, sometimes painful impact of relationships on the speaker’s mental state.

Background and Author Introduction

This poem is a profound reflection on mental health, specifically the inner world of someone grappling with suicidal thoughts. The author, whose identity is not specified here, likely draws from personal experience or deep empathy to create a raw and honest portrayal of despair and resilience. The poem’s tone and imagery suggest a modern or contemporary poet familiar with psychological themes and the nuances of human suffering.

The poem’s style—free verse with a conversational yet intense voice—invites readers to engage with difficult emotions without judgment. It challenges societal taboos around suicide by giving voice to those who experience it, emphasizing understanding over stigma.

Personal Reflection

Reading this poem evokes a strong emotional response. It is a reminder of the complexity of mental health struggles and the importance of compassion. The poem’s honest depiction of suicidal thoughts as both a burden and a strange kind of passion challenges readers to rethink simplistic views of suicide. It also highlights the need for connection, communication, and support for those who suffer silently.

Educational Value and Learning Points for Students

From this poem, students can learn several important lessons:

• Emotional Awareness: The poem encourages recognizing and articulating complex feelings, such as despair, confusion, and longing.
• Mental Health Understanding: It opens a conversation about suicide, a difficult but necessary topic, fostering empathy and reducing stigma.
• Literary Devices: Students can study metaphor, imagery, and symbolism, such as the "tools" of carpenters as a metaphor for the methods of suicide, or the "page of the book carelessly open" symbolizing unfinished life.
• Critical Thinking: The poem invites interpretation and discussion about the meaning behind the language and the emotional states described.

Applications in Life and Learning

• Emotional Expression: Students can use poetry as a tool to express their own feelings, helping to process difficult emotions.
• Mental Health Awareness: Teachers can incorporate this poem into lessons about mental health, encouraging open dialogue and support networks.
• Literary Analysis Skills: The poem provides a rich text for practicing analysis of tone, theme, and figurative language.
• Empathy Development: Understanding the poem’s perspective can help students develop empathy for peers who may be struggling.

Reading Comprehension Exercises

1. What does the speaker mean by "suicides have a special language"?
2. How does the poem describe the relationship between life and death?
3. Identify two metaphors used in the poem and explain their significance.
4. What emotions does the poem evoke in you? Why do you think the poet chose such imagery?
5. Why do you think the speaker says "love whatever it was, an infection"? What might this suggest about their experience?

Answers

1. The phrase "suicides have a special language" means that people who contemplate suicide understand certain tools and methods intimately, focusing on the "how" rather than the "why" of ending life. It suggests a shared, unspoken knowledge among those who suffer.

2. The poem presents life and death as intertwined forces. The speaker experiences a pull toward death ("lust returns") but also acknowledges life ("I have nothing against life"). Death is depicted as both a "sad bone" and a "drug so sweet," showing its complexity.

3. Two metaphors:

   • "Like carpenters they want to know which tools" compares those contemplating suicide to craftsmen who focus on the means rather than the purpose.
   • "Leaving the page of the book carelessly open" symbolizes unfinished business or unresolved emotions in life.

4. The poem evokes feelings of sadness, confusion, and empathy. The poet uses vivid, sometimes disturbing imagery to convey the intensity of suicidal thoughts and the struggle between life and death.

5. The phrase "love whatever it was, an infection" suggests that love, while often positive, has caused pain or harm to the speaker, contributing to their emotional turmoil. It reflects a complex, possibly toxic relationship with love.

This poem offers a powerful exploration of difficult emotions and mental health, providing valuable insights for students and readers alike. It encourages empathy, awareness, and thoughtful reflection on life’s challenges.